Divorce has always been one of the toughest things to talk about and deal with in our society. There are many misconceptions related to divorce that have been sabotaging the minds and lives of hundreds of people across the globe. The biggest misconception is that a divorced man or woman cannot be a good parent or rather is not a good parent. Well lets the break the silence here and come face to face with reality. Neither divorce nor anything else can affect your ability to be a good parent. Your love for your spouse is different from your love for your own blood. There are hundreds of examples around that have proven time and again that being divorced does not make one a bad person, mate or a parent.
It is a torturous ordeal for a couple to come on terms with a divorce. They are ending up years of relationship and are often burdened with social criticism, family pressure and tremendous anger and at times even guilt. Instead of understanding the pain that they are going through, they are over condemned for destroying the innocent lives of their young ones. There are a few things that the divorcing parents need to keep in mind to ensure that their separation does not affect the psyche or health of their children.
Firstly, make sure that you never get into heated arguments and blame games in front of your kids. You need to be extra careful if your child is an early teenager as they are already going through the dramatic turbulences of adolescence. Understand that children do not see you as two separate individuals they see you as “parents”. Irrespective of the clashes you have, treat each other with grace in front of your children.
Assurance is very important for a child. The assurance that no matter what come may, he is always backed up by his parents. Assure your child that you are always there for him and he will never be alone. Secondly, never try to use your children as postmen and messengers to communicate with your soon to be ex spouse. You need to keep the pressure off the child as his understanding about things is too fragile to handle something as severe as this.
Try to settle a divorce with mutual consent and avoid the nasty court hearings. As far as possible do not enter into child custody battles. He is a kid and not an artefact to fight on. Even after divorce, meet your child frequently. You have ended the relation with your spouse not your child. Talk to them often and do not bad mouth your ex spouse in front of the child.
The bottom line is to keep things as quiet as possible. We are not saying that you should not share the real picture with the kids. You need to sit with them, talk it out and explain what you want them to understand. With some efforts, you can have their approval too. It is not going to be easy, but when the child sees that the parent part of you is still intact, he can continue to live a peaceful life and accept that divorce does not change the parent inside you.
